The Most Common Lies People Tell
Do you worry about the lies people tell and do you want to know what the most common lies are? Then you can save yourself getting hurt again?
When you have had a relationship end because someone has lied to you it can be hard to trust again.
It can leave you feeling cynical and hypervalent about what could go wrong in the future.
As a result, you find yourself googling common lies, as well as looking out for what could go wrong and the lies someone might be telling you.
The good news is that singles mainly only lie to make themselves sound better rather than to be liars. The internet makes it a little too easy for people to do this, as it allows them to be someone they’re not.
A study conducted by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and Cornell University found that 80% of online daters lie about their height, weight or age.
The lies were all a slight misrepresentation rather than a major lie – major lies were rare.
The survey found ten common lies that daters told and you can find out what they by reading 10 Common Lies People Tell.
A bigger problem though can be the lies that you tell yourself!
What do I mean? We often tell ourselves lies that we believe are facts. They are generalisations of things that have happened in life.
All it takes is for something to happen to us three times in a row, for a brain to label it as a pattern that it thinks is a fact.
For example, the last three people you dated didn’t want a commitment with you, so you believe no-one wants a commitment anymore. Or you meet three men/women who lie to you and you will believe all men/women are liars!
These beliefs/lies you tell yourselves become a filter that you see the world through. Instead of allowing you to see the possibility they only allow you to see what isn’t possible. Ultimately they end up keeping you from getting the one thing that you most want – love and a relationship.
Let’s look at some of the most common negative beliefs/lies that you may be telling yourself.
10 Common Lies Tell Themselves
1. I always fail so what’s the point
It is surprising that people treat going on a date and finding love different from any other area of their lives. If you want to get a job then you know that you need to learn the skills to get the job. To be successful meeting people you need to learn what will work and what won’t. Dating is a skill just like any other skill. It is important to look at how you present on the outside and the inside. How you dress, do your hair and your body language matter.
You also need to be able to have a good conversation, be comfortable and confident. When you learn how to excel at all of these things you will change your results. I have helped my clients see the simple things that prevented the success they craved This is where a good coach can and does help.
You could also fall into the trap of thinking you are not good enough and no-one wants to date you. If this is true it is time to look at loving and accepting yourself first. If you don’t think you are good enough or feel like you are dateable – why would anyone else believe any differently.
2. There aren’t any quality singles
I hear this one EVERY day and it simply isn’t statistically true! Just because you haven’t met quality singles, doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. In my extensive experience I know they are everywhere, I know that there are more quality single people around than ever before. There are approximately 7.6 billion people on the planet, so just imagine if only one per cent wanted to date you and are what you are looking for!
That is 76 000 000!
You only need one! It is time to realise that you have so many opportunities for dating, love and romance and there is no lack!
3. I had my one great love
If you have already had your one amazing relationship then you could believe you won’t get another one. Or why bother as no-one else could compare anyway! This is not true! If you found love once, you will be able to find it again as you know what it looks and feels like.
4. They need to be good looking or you won’t be interested
This belief will keep you single for a long time particularly the older you get! What actually makes someone good looking anyway? Singles are so much more than how they look and you won’t know this if you don’t take the time to talk to them and get to know who they are. I know from the thousands of singles that I have met that people are surprising! Good looking people can be much less attractive when you get to know them. No-one is perfect and maybe it is time to move beyond the superficial to someone who is able to make you feel good and make you happy.
5. It’s All Too Hard
Most worthwhile things in life take time and effort to achieve. When it comes to love it is easy to think it should just happen by chance, yet get disappointed when it doesn’t. I am sure you would not treat any other area of your life that way! I am sure you wouldn’t go to the gym once and believe you would get fit. No, you would put in the effort needed to achieve your goal, even if it didn’t feel fun to start with. You will enjoy it more as you see the results that you are achieving. The same applies to dating and meeting new people.
Whatever mindset you approach dating will come across to the people you date. If you take the outcome out of dating, be curious and have fun meeting people it can be fun. Every date you go on brings you closer to your person. Dating is a process of finding out who and what you like. A bit like learning how to play darts – your aim gets so much better with practice!
You will have good moments and bad ones, yet don’t give up because love is wonderful.
6. I have amazing friends, so why bother?
Friends are great but there is a place that they simply can’t fill. Live is richer with the love of friends and a partner. Why miss out on that.
7. I am going to get hurt
I am going to get hurt again, so why bother dating? Often these singles will choose someone who is similar to the person who hurt them. It is important to take the time to heal the pain of the past and change the patterns that cause you to choose people who don’t value you. Many singles say all people cheat, yet mathematically this is incorrect. If is generally the people they choose cheat! There are singles who do not cheat, lie or set out to hurt others.
8. No-one wants a relationship….
Survey after survey has found that singles want relationships. In the 9th Match.com report of what over 5000 singles thought they found that modern love, sex and romance are alive and well for all ages. The goods news is that 60% of singles want a relationship and only 9% want a hookup.
9. There aren’t any interesting singles
After working with singles for ten years I can tell you this is NOT TRUE! Just because you are not meeting them, does not mean they do not exist. It is time to get out and meet more people.
On again, off-again relationships are addictive and it is easy to end up in a toxic relationship because they seem exciting. When someone is unpredictable and standoffish it makes them more interesting. It becomes addictive, yet rarely makes you happy. It can be too easy to confuse the two. Maybe you fall into the trap of thinking that enough passion will create a lasting bond, yet it more often creates a toxic, destructive one. Frustration, suffering and yearning do not contribute to a nurturing relationship, yet they do to a passionate one. Whereas, a loving relationship with a good person may not be as exciting, yet it will feel so much better.
10. Too busy
Saying you are too busy, is an easy thing to tell yourself when you aren’t finding what you want. It is easier! Yet everyone finds time for the things they really want to do and what is important to them. If love is important to you – set aside time to date and meet single people. Set aside time in your calendar just like you would for anything else. To find love it takes a strong desire that you want it and then it needs the time to make it happen. If you say you don’t have time, then maybe you need to admit that it’s not a priority or something you want to make happen just now.
I hope by having a fresh look at the lies/negative beliefs you tell yourself that it has opened your eyes to how they may be affecting your view of what is possible for you.
The lies you tell yourself (beliefs) can be hard to see at times. That is where a Relationship Coach can help you, identify these beliefs and find a way to replace them with beliefs that will give you the love that you want.