As if 2020 hasn’t been stressful enough, along comes Christmas! How do you get through Christmas being single?
- You might feel the pressure from all your family and friends for being single at yet another Christmas!
- Maybe you thought 2020 was the year you would find love and COVID put a dirty big stop to that.
- Or maybe this is your first year being single after a breakup or a divorce.
- It could be the first year you don’t see your kids – may be due to divorce or they have grown up and have other priorities.
2020 hasn’t turned out how anyone expected! Christmas may bring an extra financial strain you don’t need! Even if COVID didn’t affect you there is still the stress of buying presents, going to events alone, as well as having to deal with Christmas being different to what you are used to.
This can send even the happiest single into a funk!
I know the first couple of Christmases after my divorce was tough to deal with! We had to share the kids and come up with something that worked for both of us. I am happy to say that we came up with a plan that has worked well over the years. For me and my ex, that meant there were years when we had to spend Christmas without them. This meant dealing with Christmas being different and managing my expectations.
So, I want to give you some real-life tips that will actually help you in the lead up to Christmas.
12 Practical Tips to Get Through the Christmas Season
1. Don’t Judge Yourself for Being Single
It’s ok to be single if you want to be. If you don’t, it can often just be a moment in time where you are. It is easy to be hard on yourself but stop it. You are not a failure or less than anyone else because you are single.
You could be single for a number of reasons yet it doesn’t mean you will be single forever and believe me when I say your situation can be temporary. Make the most of being single while you can, this may actually be the only time you are. The right person for you could literally turn up at any moment so enjoy yourself in the meantime. Believe that when you are in the right place someone wonderful will be on their way – so enjoy yourself in the meantime.
It may be easy to look at couples and envy their happiness, yet they may be looking at you with envy. Not everyone is as happy as they seem. Try to look at the upside and not what you don’t have.
2. Be Kind to YOU
Other people can unknowingly say things that make you feel bad. As a result, you might feel the pressure from your family and friends about why you are still single and take it to heart. Don’t allow others to judge you and more importantly stop judging yourself. It can often be how you are feeling about being single that you project onto other people. Be kind to yourself, it is ok to be single and like I said many people may secretly be envious of you and your freedom.
3. Be Real
Christmas is a stressful time of year for everyone so acknowledge that rather than trying to ignore it. Be realistic about what you are feeling and take the time to feel your feelings – the grief, the sadness, the anger the regret, etc. When you stuff down your feelings and put on a brave face it is a little like trying to hold a beach ball underwater – you can only hold it down for so long before it comes flying violently out of the water. Take the time to feel your feelings yet don’t fall into the trap of getting stuck in them and going down the rabbit hole of guilt and regret. Instead of dwelling on all that is bad, look for what you can be grateful for instead. I know it may seem hard, but there will be something.
4. Think of the Hidden Benefits!
Ok, Christmas isn’t going to be how you want it to be. But think of the good points – like you don’t have to stress about finding that perfect gift for the person who has everything! You don’t have to rush around visiting relatives you didn’t even like and you can do exactly what you want when you want to do it. Look for the positives that you can find and focus on them, not on what you have lost.
5. Christmas is Just One Day!
It is easy to attach a lot of meaning to Christmas Day, yet remember that Christmas Day is only one day out of 365 days. When you look at it from that perspective it somehow makes it so much easier to deal with.
6. Make a Plan
Don’t leave the Christmas period to chance, make sure that you plan ahead of time. You might not be spending Christmas with your children or a romantic partner so make sure you have something you can do. That way you make sure that you aren’t spending Christmas feeling sorry for yourself. Organise events and spend time with people in the same position, just because you are single doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Chose to do something completely different, something that is fun, spend time with friends in the same position, maybe you could invite people around and put a smile on their faces. If you don’t have anyone, there are often meetup groups who host Christmas events so you could even make some new friends. Try singles events to meet new and interesting people in the lead up to Christmas and look at being single as having more varied options.
7. Change your Focus to Giving
Christmas is the season of giving and when you focus on making other people happy, it ends up making you happy. So, embrace the joy of giving to others. This could be giving to people who are worse off than you are or just to people who matter to you. It sounds cliché but it really will make you feel better. During the month of December do 3 random acts of kindness each day to make someone else’s day better – call it your Random Acts of Kindness Advent Calendar. There really is so much pleasure you can have in making other people happy and planning thoughtful gifts for them. It is much better than focussing on what you have lost or don’t have.
8. Surround Yourself with Positive People
Take a moment and think of the people who bring a smile to your face then arrange to catch up with them in the lead up to the big day. In fact, get your diary out and make actual plans. This will instantly make you feel better and give you the energy to deal with those people you have to spend time with.
9. Get a Support Person
Having someone you can talk to during the holiday period will help you get through it. Maybe that is a good friend or someone in exactly the same position you are. Agree to support each other through the holiday period. Again, this is about planning ahead.
10. Do Something New
Be creative and use this time to try something new, something you haven’t done before! When I divorced, my ex and I decided we would alternative Christmas and Boxing Day each year. When I found myself having a different Christmas it was tough to start with but I used the time to do exactly what I wanted to do and it ended up being fun when I changed my focus. You can spoil yourself – do what gives YOU pleasure for once. It could be as simple as a movie marathon in your pj’s watching what YOU want or you could plan a trip to somewhere fun. Or like I said try some of the different singles events to meet like-minded people.
11. Know that the First Year is the Worst
Your first year being single, especially if you are sharing custody of children will be the hardest to deal with. But trust me when I tell you it will get easier over time. I recommend that you create your own unique rituals and traditions with your children or friends to make Christmas new and special. That way you will guarantee a tradition that will bring a smile to your face and give you something to look forward to next year.
12. Get Excited
There is a new year coming, full of new possibilities get excited about those new experiences. I find having something to look forward to makes a big difference.
If You Want Help
If you are struggling to get over an ex, being single, finding the Christmas period tough or just want to know how to get back out there, I can help! All you need to do is to book in a free discovery call? Everything to gain and nothing to lose, right! Book your call here.