Getting back together with your ex, is it ever a good idea? Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, have us thinking it could be! Maybe there really is the one who got away!
The reality of life is that breakups are tough and it is easy to do whatever it takes to stop the pain you are feeling. Including texting your ex!
You find yourself remembering all the wonderful memories you both shared. You know of how wonderful being in love was and find yourself wanting that back and can’t stop thinking about getting back together. The reality is that you can end up romanticizing your relationship.
The dictionary meaning of romanticizing Is –
‘to talk about something in a way that makes it sound better than it really is, or to believe that something is better than it really is’.
It is human and normal to remember the good and forget the bad. It is also important to know the honest truth about relationships.
But the real honest truth is you can easily forget how you actually felt in the relationship. That could have been continually arguing, or feeling unloved or unheard.
It can be all too easy to remember the good times and forget why you broke up in the first place.
But the reality of getting back together is you might just be:
- Missing being in a relationship but not the actual person.
- You are scared that you won’t find anyone else or that anyone else will want you.
You are not alone, around 50-60% of couples do attempt getting back together. The problem is that it only works out around 15% of the time! Not high odds!
The whole getting back together is a supercharged experience full of romance, promises and declarations!
But then real life will get back in the way, especially if nothing has changed.
Getting back together can work but you need to realise it is the exception rather than the rule and the stats prove it!
It really is all too easy to go back to what you know, to what is familiar but it doesn’t mean it will make you any happier this time around.
One good question to ask yourself is, ‘Can you go through with the pain of breaking up with them all over again’. This question acts as a reality test.
The problem with getting back with an ex is you broke up for a reason and if you get back together you will face the same old problems all over again. You will also have the extra issues caused by the pain of your break up and fear it could happen all over again.
Your relationship will not and cannot be the same after a breakup as it was before. You need to realise that you will have caused damage by breaking up that have changed things forever!
Before you reach for the phone to send a text, how do you know if it is a good idea?
Will you be part of the lucky 15% like Prince William and Kate or not?
The 4 Reasons Getting Back Together is a Good Idea
1. Getting Back Together – You have both changed!
It is important to take an honest look at yourself and the other person. What have you learnt from the breakdown of your relationship? Have those issues changed, have you both changed? If you have both learnt the lessons you needed to, things can work and getting back together can be a good thing. But, if you haven’t learnt anything then it stands to reason that it will end up the same way, as you will be the same people. It is important to realise that if nothing has changed then it is not a good idea. It can be all too easy to live in magical thinking rather than reality.
2. Getting Back Together – The situation has changed!
Timing is important for a relationship to work. Did you break up because the time wasn’t right when you were together? You could have been too young, wanted to travel or focus on your career. Maybe you were leaving on a gap year trip, studying, working long hours to make ends meet or had to move away. If the situation has changed getting back together can work. It will give you a good chance of your relationship turning out the second time around.
3. Getting Back Together – Your mind has changed!
If you split up with your because the relationship didn’t feel good, don’t think it is going to be magically better the next time around. It may be easy to start to think that your ex is so much better than what you are seeing on the dating apps. But don’t fall into the scarcity trap! Instead, ask yourself what has changed and take the time to be really honest with yourself. Maybe after self-reflection, you realise that you have changed your mind and that is ok. If your mind has changed getting back together has a good chance of working out.
4. You are willing to forgive!
To make your relationship work again you need to be willing to let the past go and forgive what needs to be forgiven. It is about making the decision to not bring up the past. That means even when you are having a fight. You need to accept your ex for who they are now, not who they were or who they could have been. Let go of the grudges and the judgement.
In summary, for things to work out the 2nd time you need one of the four points! You both need to have changed or your circumstances need to have changed or you have changed your mind and you can forgive.
You will need to be open, honest and approach it with emotional maturity! Because getting back together will only have a chance of working if you both decide to go have your eyes and heart open.
If you are confused about getting back together with your ex why not book in a free discovery call to find out the answer. All you need to do is book here.